For the most part, I eat pretty well. I buy organic when I can afford it. My diet is heavy on vegetables, and I try to buy what’s local and seasonal. When I get meat, I try to make sure it’s local and sustainably produced. I don’t go out of my way to avoid fats or carbohydrates, and butter and I are great friends (just ask my dog, who enjoys stealing it off the counter). I like eating, I like cooking, and I love good, healthy, wholesome food.
But sometimes, girl just gotta have some ice cream.
My weapon of choice in the battle I (enthusiastically) wage against sugar lows is Ben & Jerry’s. When homework drags on, nights get long, or my enthusiasm for the joy that is living wanes, a few scoops of that happy Vermonty paradisaical dairy product restores my good humor. I am convinced that if the Israelites had wandered the desert with this stuff, Moses wouldn’t have heard no stinkin’ complaints about the food. Although to be fair, probably they wouldn’t have gotten to the promised land, because really, how could a land flowing with milk and honey improve on a wilderness raining Ben & Jerry’s ice cream?
Well, when I moved in this August for summer Greek, I thought it would be cute, on my initial grocery run, to depart from my usual flavor selection and try something new and Grecian:
It was a good thought. It was thematic. It involved blueberry and graham crackers, two foods I find rather wonderful by themselves. And in the Greek frozen yogurt, they remained delicious and nutritious, rather like a big frozen parfait. But in purchasing of this product, I forgot the one crucial detail of the splurge:
Splurges are meant to provide ammunition against cravings. My cravings have historically included, in descending order of frequency: chocolate, peanut butter, cookie dough, fudge, marshmallow swirl, various uncooked batters, and caramel. I do not crave yogurt parfaits. I do not crave graham crackers, unless they come with chocolate, marshmallows, and a big fire. Blueberries are, in my experience, relatively unsought after in the midst of passionate and desperate cravings, unless they are covered in a dark, rich chocolate. Which means that my Ben & Jerry’s Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt has gone untouched since the end of August.
In the face of a travesty of this magnitude, my coping mechanisms have completely shut down. Where normal people might solve this problem by a) eating the damn ice cream, or b) feeding it to their dog, who would be more than happy to help, I find myself immobilized. Throwing this ice cream away, or feeding a food product this expensive to my undiscerning pooch (who would then, by the way, really make me regret that choice for the next 48 hours), is a violation of all the economic policies of my personal household. Eating it, and yet enjoying it less than (to take an example at random) Half-Baked, a decadent combination of vanilla and chocolate ice creams featuring brownie batter and chunks of chocolate-chip cookie dough, seems like an insult to both the fine company of Ben and Jerry’s, and a snub to my personal cravings system.
So here I am, locked in a battle of wits with a half-eaten pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. I have even sunk so low as to begin envisioning impossible scenarios, like, maybe a passing hurricane will knock out the power for six hours and melt the dang thing. But then a hurricane actually came through my college town, and NOTHING HAPPENED. Seriously. A tree fell over. But not on my ice cream or anything.
So I guess what I’m really saying is…does anyone want a half-eaten, two-month old pint of Ben & Jerry’s Blueberry Vanilla Graham Frozen Greek Yogurt?
Joking aside, may God bless and keep those suffering the effects of Sandy and her aftermath. My thoughts are with you all.